i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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