seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
