u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
