just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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