and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
