i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
