this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
