the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's get the cat blown out
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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