I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
