he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize