The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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