does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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