I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize