I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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