Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
