Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
