So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize