does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
