woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize