then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
