Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
