My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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