Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
