Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
