I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize