Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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