it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
