So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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