Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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