At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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