we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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