the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
