she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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