I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
