The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize