i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
