Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
