Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
