fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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