Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
