So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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