he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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