the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
