my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
