They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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