Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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