I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
