How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
