those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it hurts more in the daytime
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
