No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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