somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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