u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
