...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
