I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
