Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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