Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
