it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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