I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
