Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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