Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
