Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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