She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dignity is for republicans.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
