I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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