Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
