you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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