and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
