Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
