whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
