i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
