Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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