She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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