theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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