so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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