He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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