We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
