Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
