I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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