The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
