i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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