ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
