Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
