I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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