I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
