Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
