Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
