i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
