Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
