Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
