Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
