And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
