Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
