so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
