I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
