I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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