Fuck appropriateness.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
