I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
